As I swirl my toe around in the water at the edge of the pool in my back yard, I try to focus on the ever growing ripples and the reflection of colors as the water moves. Beep boop bop. No, too much to think about. Darn. I used to be good at relaxing.
For the past four months my mind has been running on adrenaline, skipping from thought to thought. I have student teaching to thank for this.
Instead of concentrating on the water, my mind thinks about what my students might be working on this very minute. Wondering if Trent is acting calm today...did Jose turn in his last assignment...is Hattie back from being sick for way too long... did the supply order of glue ever ship... beep boop bop.
Now that my semester has ended I suddenly feel oddly guilty for not having to think constantly and acting quickly. If I wanted to, I could sleep in a little... eh, feels weird. I could stare at my ceiling and listen to music for hours if I felt like it... but why would I? Forcing myself to unwind and relax a little has been way more difficult than it should be.
So here I am... jumping from thought to thought, and there he is out of the corner of my eye. A bee. He's struggling in the water, moving with the kicking waves I've now created with both feet. Immediately I slide deeper into the pool with my hand outstretched to scoop him up, but soon realize this could backfire with a sting. Instead I reach back and grab my flip flop to elevate him from the water and place him on the pavement next to me. No movement. I panic a little. With my finger I give him a little nudge away from the puddle he's created and he quickly springs to life, flicking water off his wings and away he goes. Just like that, he's gone. I feel a little hurt, somewhat expecting that he would fly up eye level with me and nod his antennae in gratitude of my efforts.
I felt so involved and then immediately cut off from his life. A metaphor to student teaching perhaps.
Beeb boop bop. So here I am, trying to relax. Attempting to get my own ducks in a row after months of attempting to keep 150 pre-teen ducks in a row. This isn't easy. Thankfully I'll be here in a couple of weeks with the family, and I can't help but think relaxing will come naturally when all I have to worry about is the swim suit I'll wear that day.
Boy oh boy.
A fun little side story: Last weekend while I was in Sedona, my friend and I decided to get our aura photos taken and read by an energy psychic. I realize how hippie-like and crazy this may sound, but those of you who know me wouldn't expect anything less. This is my aura photo:
*You'll have to ignore the hovering shadow of me leaning over and taking a picture of the aura.
Notice the massive amount of yellow.. apparently this means that my mind has been overstimulated with analytical thinking and organization. The energy lady asked me if I had been doing any kind of workshop or internship (hello-- student teaching). She also mentioned that the red and pink surrounding the yellow is my suppressed artistic creativity which she said will come back in focus soon. Interesting. The green at the bottom indicates that I'm anticipating a big change in the near future, such as career change or moving. Both in my case. And last of all, the brown at the center represents my reliance on nature and the earth to stay centered and happy. She suggested I keep a small farm in order to maintain my happiness. I was kind of blown away by how accurate everything was, and I didn't say a word throughout the entire thing. I didn't even give her my name. Not that I suggest you get one taken and live or die by this kind of thing, but it is interesting what our energy says about ourselves.