Today at school...

In my SED 501--Effective Instruction class, I received this little handout from my behind-the-times professor:
*Side note: My biggest fear is finding myself actually using these...

SED 501--Humorous Responses to Inappropriate Behavior

Talking Outbursts
- Whoa there turbo!
- Cool your jets!
- Your conversation will not be on the test.
- Save it for the slumber party, ladies. (my personal favorite)

Vulgar Language
- That word describes your mouth.
- You must be describing yourself.
- If this were a TV show, you would be kicked off the air. (got em!)
- Would you kiss your mother with that mouth?
- Do you really want that? (hmm...what?)
- You have 30 minutes to think about what our conversation is going to be like after class.

Humor Not Appropriate for:
- Cheating. (oh, ok)

Dress Code Violations
- Aren't you cold in that outfit?
- Where's the rest of your pants, shirt?
- Is your head cold? (referring to hats...I assume)
- Why are your pants falling down?
- There is a reason they call it underwear!

Gum or Food
- You're not Mary Kate--you don't need to eat right now. (this one blew my mind)
- You don't need to eat every two hours, you are not an infant.
- If that's not takeout--it is now.

Restroom Overuse
- Did you take a shower in there?
- Are you texting in there, or do you need a kidney transplant? (what if they d0?)

Cell Phones
- I have always wanted one of those!
- What will your mom say when she has to come down to the office to pick up your cell phone?

- ...that is the only question on the test, but don't repeat it... (!)
- Thank you for gracing us with your presence!

Cell Phones Going Off
- That had better be God calling.
- It must be the "clue" phone going off. (I don't get this one)
- Are you waiting for a heart transplant?

- I hate me too, let's just get over it...
- Violins, please!
- Should I call you a waa-mbulence?

Ask you to spell a word
- Spell "dictionary."

- Do you need some time alone?
- You can get his number after class.
- Do I need to get a hose? (...ugh)
- Cool your jets, please.

No Homework
- Should I put the summer school schedule on the board?
- Maybe this will be easier for you next year when you take this class again.

Throwing Things
- You are not drooling, are you? (I don't understand this one either)
- Clean the floor after class.
- Do the Dodgers know about you?
- The penalty for that is cleaning off the gum under all the desks.

- Let them sleep through the bell.
- Loudly slam a book right next to them.


Inside is just everything: lights, psychos, ferbies, screaming babies in Motzart wigs...

This little SNL clip made me laugh harder than I've laughed in a long time. We've all met someone like "Stefon," most likely by way of public transportation. This guy portrays him perfectly, dead on.


The Weekend...

I thought Friday would never come, honestly. So in celebration of the much needed weekend--I'm posting this:
There's no way that guy survived.



I don't even know how to begin to write a post about my friend Mallory...the more appropriate thing to do would be to ski down the entirety of Mt. Everest in a gold jumpsuit, sparklers, and holding a poster that says "Mallory is #1!"

But seriously, she is.

I received a care package from her the other day and this was one of the many delightful surprises found inside:

(The two of us having a picnic on what appears to be Mt. Doom.)

This little gem is just one of the many great things I love about Mallory. But even more than her depictions of us doing normal things in an unrealistic setting, I cherish her humor. I wish the world could know Mallory. Probably one of the most entertaining things to do is to sit down and watch a movie with her. Instantly everything ridiculous and hilarious in a movie becomes apparent and the world makes sense.

It's possible that Mallory has the oldest soul in the world and pretty much understands how things are supposed to be.

If ever there is anything funny, confusing, outrageous, nerdy, awesome, or (insert any word), I always go to Mallory. She just gets it.

Anyway Mal, you're just too good of a friend to be true. I love you!


3.5 hours South...

This past weekend one of my dearest friends, Brittany, flew down for a visit. We spent some of our time in Tombstone. For those of you not familiar with the town of Tombstone--basically it's an old western town that was once frequented by wild frontiersmen such as Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday, and many other famous folk of the past. Luckily this town still thrives, mostly due to tourism and odd ducks like Brittany and me who think this stuff is great.

Our hotel (haunted, won't stay there again).

The many colorful signs of Tombstone

The men of Tombstone

Exploring the town

The Birdcage Theatre

Saloons still going strong

Supposed to be participating in ghost investigation at OK Corral...but playing around instead.

The remainder of our time spent at the pool and exploring Native American territory.

See how much fun we could have if you visited!
Do come.


The Devil Has a Face...

Dummy (my roommate's cat) decided that today was the day he would show his face for longer than 0.5 seconds; long enough for me to capture this photo.




Okay...no. Take a look at this:
I already have issues with big Hollywood blockbuster films, and this movie poster explains it all. Come on! Really? Look at his hair, so chic. And his armor...oh the armor. I'm pretty sure a bazillion leather straps up and down your arm and a random red scarf won't save you in battle. Anyway, Jake Gylleemu will always look a like a child to me.


Good News

I'm happy to report that this sweet sister is having a baby BOY in August. Can't wait to be an aunt again!