12.17.2010

Mountain Goats

Photo by National Geographic

Every time I see this picture I kind of don't believe it.

First of all, how did he get there? I mean really! Secondly, why? According to science (source: unimportant), a mountain goat's immune system relies on the salty minerals received from licking the rock face found only in the most rugged of mountain ranges. Look at what he is willing to do for survival! Amazing. I feel a metaphor coming on...

No, I'll spare you.

Ah, the weekend. Ah, Christmas break. This past week has been delightful for several reasons:
  1. No school/zero homework
  2. Much needed visits with family and friends
  3. Sleeping in an adult-sized bed
  4. Snow
  5. The Food Network and Cooking Channel
  6. Going on errands with my Mom-- we are the same person
Of course, since time seems to go faster than I would like it to, I will be back in Arizona in no time. My goal is to take this next semester like a mountain goat. Just do it. Get to that salt, lick it, and graduate.

Until then, you can find me in my stretchies, snapping my fingers to a real jazzy holiday beat.

Happy Friday!


12.13.2010

Blog Title Change

I don't know why I feel that I have to explain myself...

I grew tired of my blog's old name, so this is the new one. I'm only blogging on Fridays from now on (starting this Friday)-- thus the new title.

Peace out.
Amy

12.04.2010

Good ol' Westerns

I'm almost more excited to see this movie than I am for Christmas. Now that's silly.

The Paleo Solution

Those who know me fairly well know that I have stomach issues all the time. I'm not talking about self-conscious issues about my weight (well, sometimes), but rather the food that I put in my stomach that makes me curl up in the fetal position, rubbing away the churning in my poor tummy. For almost a year now I have been eating a gluten-free diet. I'll be honest and say that I'm nearly 100% gluten free when I'm down here in Arizona and focusing on school, but when I go home to Utah-- for whatever reason-- I tend to sneak a little bread and whatnot into my meals. It's terrible, and it really does make me sick.

To top of this madness, I'm also sensitive to dairy (I know, I know... I sound like a hypochondriac), but this is all true. Unfortunately, for the last year I have nearly doubled my dairy intake to make up for the lack of gluten. Bad idea, even worse results. SO, for a little over a week I have strictly followed the Paleo Diet. My brother, who is a health and fitness guru these days, lent me a copy of the book so that I could read up on the basics before diving in-- a good idea before making any huge lifestyle changes. These are the basic guidelines of the Paleo way:
  • No Dairy
  • No Gluten
  • No sugar or salt (sea salt acceptable in small portions)
  • Basically, nothing processed or unnatural
But instead...
  • Lots of lean protein
  • Seasonal fruits and vegetables
  • Healthy fats such as nuts, seeds, and avocado
And that is my current intake of food.

The idea is that we should be eating the way our Paleolithic ancestors did before altered foods entered the diet and started making us sick.

I'm good on the gluten free lifestyle, I'm fine without it... but dairy, oh my lovely dairy. I dare say I'm the biggest cheese fan west of Wisconsin. Giving up all things diary has been a trial for me; but there is good news: As a result of strictly following the Paleo for a little over a week, I have...
  • Bought more fresh produce than ever before
  • More energy for working out
  • Had less headaches
  • Been stomachache free for a little over a week (this hasn't been the case for as long as I can remember)
  • Been less hungry
  • Increased my energy
  • Improved my vision (weird, but yes)
  • Upped my positive mood levels
I'm not trying to sell this diet, I know it's not for everyone. And who knows, a month from now I could eat my words by breaking the rules and downing a string cheese. But for now, I'm totally happy with the Paleo.

It makes me feel good.

***Funny enough-- the thing I crave most from the dairy list is chocolate. Let's see how I do around all the Christmas goodies. Stay strong.

11.30.2010

I spy a bum groove.

Having survived the wonderful week of Thanksgiving (it really was great), I feel that I should say a few words about being thankful. I'm not one to make a sappy post, really-- so to start this off I'm going to list a few small things that make me want to explode:

1. Walking behind someone, trying to get around them, but they keep swerving in front of you... almost as if on purpose.
2. Listening to a great song while driving and the person in the passenger seat changes it before it finishes playing.
3. Discovering a bum groove on my bed, where someone sat.
4. Trying to pull apart the opening of a plastic produce bag at the grocery store.
5. Wind.
6. Static.
7. Gulping noises.
8. Hair on the bathroom floor.

Now really, only #3 will truly make me lose it. I guess I'm trying to make a point here-- and that is that all these things are so ridiculous, yet sometimes I treat them like it's the end of the world. I have a billion things to be thankful for. Here's a small list of great things:

1. Family that supports and loves me no matter what.
2. Friends who are literally angels.
3. An education.
4. Creativity.
5. Nature, oh my beautiful Mother Nature.
6. America.
7. My beliefs (see first link to the right).
8. Opportunities.

Sappy? Probably-- but 'tis the season.

Happy Holidays!

11.27.2010

Happy Birthday Kim!

This is just one of the many sacrifices you have made for a good time. I sure do love you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

11.17.2010

Farewell, my friend.

Greeley
July 15, 1998- November 15, 2010

'Tis pity not to have a dog, whatever be his breed,
For dogs possess a faithfulness which humans sadly need.
And whether skies be blue or gray, good luck or ill attend
Man's toil by day, a dog will stay his ever-constant friend.

-Edgar A. Guest

11.15.2010

Save the neck for me, Clark.

As much as I would love to push the "fast forward" button for this week and land on Saturday evening where I'll be in the happiest place on earth... alas, I cannot. Fast forwarding life only works when there's a real emergency, such as unexpectedly finding yourself at a Carrot-top comedy show, or getting stuck in an elevator with Kathy Griffin. Both scenarios are basically the same nightmare.

Speaking of dreams.. I feel it's time to officially record the most hilarious dream I've ever had about myself. Hold on to your hats, it's a doozy:

The whole neighborhood, including my entire family, was at church setting up fall displays for a "fall festivities night." My family decided to set up a table dedicated to the cornucopia. We were decorating when suddenly the room went quiet... in walked one of my best friends with a doll dressed as the devil. She set the doll on a table and exclaimed to all that it represented what fall means to her. Everyone was looking around at each other feeling fairly uneasy. I knew that I had to say something. I grabbed a chair, stood on it, and said loudly:
"Family, friends, and neighbors... I feel that I must address the situation. Satan is among us."

Thousands (and I mean thousands, possibly more) start clapping, cheering, and shouting my name. A neighbor of mine reached for my hand and told me I was a "leader and very brave."

The best part is that I woke up and I was perched up in bed with my hand raised in the air.

I know exactly what I did-- I pulled any random thoughts out of nothing to create a dream to glorify myself. Any plot was acceptable. I laughed and laughed about this for such a long time.

Oh dreams.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving next week. Utah-- I'm coming home.


11.02.2010

October

October was a fun month, as it always is.

I had a visit from my good friend, Brittany. We mostly shopped and ate, but we couldn't deny ourselves something frightening... and although I've sworn off ghosts since the Tombstone incident, we decided to go on a ghost tour of the old Hotel San Carlos in downtown Phoenix. Bad idea. Nothing scary happened, it was just weird. A woman dressed as a pirate approached us and said that she has just seen a vision of a man, wearing a top hat AND a cape, looming over us from behind. I then turned to my right and saw an awkward teenage girl feeling the walls and closing her eyes. Her father explained to all that she senses the dead. We left early, but here's a fun picture of us in the hotel:


I then had the great pleasure of flying out to Texas to visit my older sister, her husband, and my new little nephew. I can't even begin to explain how perfect of a baby boy he is. The trip started off a little crazy, and my flight was delayed 6 hours-- which put me in Dallas around 1:30am. I was supposed to meet my dad and younger sister at the airport, but due to my obnoxious delay, I took a cab. However, I poorly chose my cab driver and he took me to hell and back before we reached the hotel. Things got 1000% better when I saw this lil' face the next morning:


To celebrate Halloween, my housemates and I threw a pumpkin party. This meant that everyone was expected to bring a pumpkin dish of some sort and a pumpkin for carving. I was asked to make Pumpkin Juice... and after repeatedly denying that it was even a thing, I found a recipe that turned out pretty great:


Here's a picture of my pumpkin. I accidently made him look like a pervert:

November, welcome.

10.14.2010

Oh, you.

Every Saturday I teach a couple classes for a children's art workshop at ASU. Working with all the adorable little kids has quickly become a favorite part of my week. A couple of weeks ago I was cleaning up from my last class of the day and one of my younger girls stayed after to help. This was our conversation, and none of it is exaggerated:

Me: So what are you going to do with the rest of your day?

Student: Ah Miss, I'm going to organize my toy box and then probably go to a movie with my mom. I bet you're happy I'm helping you clean.

Me: Yes, I'm very happy you're helping. I think we've done a pretty good job.

Student: That's because I'm good at cleaning and we're the same size, so it's like two of you cleaning. I'm tall for my age. (...And she is)

Me: (Laughing) You're right, it is like two of me cleaning.

Student: Miss, what you got going on the rest of the day?

Me: Well, I think...

Student: I bet you going to go home, kick off those old shoes, throw up your feet, have some chocolate milk and watch something nice on the television. Maybe take a nap too? Maybe you'll go on a date, but not if you have children. Do you have children, Miss? I think you might be 40. That's how old my mom is. You both have...

Me: Alright, just keep drying off those paint pallets.

10.10.2010

Living the Dream

This past week I was at the gym and worked myself into a feverish sweat only 2 minutes into my treadmill walk. I jumped off to grab a towel from the "clean" bin and instead snatched one from the "dirty" bin... I immediately put it to my face and soaked myself in someone else's sweat before I realized what had happened.

Have a great upcoming week!

10.01.2010

October


I'm one of those wacky individuals who, on the eve of my birthday, sets my alarm clock for 12am- midnight only to wake up and whisper "happy birthday" to myself. Actually no, I'm not that obsessed with being me. I just happened to have been born on the first day of October-- the greatest month of the year. So don't celebrate me, celebrate the month of the spooky, the changing of leaves, and for goodness sake-- the candy corn.

Now that I'm a year older, I feel that I've learned a few things:

1. There is no such thing as an endless supply of toilet paper under the sink, you actually have to go out and buy it.
2. You can pretty much get away with pretending to know anything as long as you talk with with scary, arched eyebrows and pound your fists on tables.
3. Even sticky notes on the mirror won't remind me to put on deodorant.
4. McDonald's employee, Jiminez, at the cross section of Chandler and Kyrene, will always give me a free diet coke. Sweet Jiminez.
5. Things like haircuts, waxes, and pedicures are no longer weekly rituals, but once a year luxuries.
6. Mom and Dad have been right all along.
7. Dating only continues to be more terrifying.
8. Where there's one gray hair atop thine head, thrice over t'will more spread.
9. If a British accent pops out unexpectedly while checking out at the grocery store, go with it-- and then walk it out. You're only human.
10. Scary movies are just as terrifying now as they ever were before. And yes, I'm talking about E.T.
11. Saturday Night Live gives better and more accurate news updates than actual news programs.
12. The 90s were as great as I thought they were.

...and finally:
13. Friends was never really that funny.

9.30.2010

Happy Birthday Cort!

Have I ever told you how much I adore you? We all do. Thanks for being an A+ brother-in-law.
Happy Birthday!!!

9.27.2010

This is one of the three things I like: Ina Garten, sweater weather and...

To me nothing is better in this world than laughing uncontrollably with another person. There is something so bonding about laughter, and I wish for it on a daily basis. I love when I come upon a random stranger who is laughing really, really hard, and I instantly start laughing equally as hard because, apparently, laughter is contagious.

I remember a few years back my family and I were at the airport, and as we were going up the escalator we passed this older couple coming down-- they were hysterical. Laughing so hard that the older gentleman was doubled over and his wife was trying to hold him up from falling. Tears streaming down their faces... how could you not laugh with them? And we did. My entire family was crying with laughter. The couple looked at us and reached out to grab our hands as they wiped away tears, understanding that we understood. I'll never know what they were laughing about, but it's one of my favorite memories.

This video below made me laugh pretty hard, it might do the same to you. This is the Swiss Finance Minister attempting to deliver a speech about spiced meat imports. The ridiculous bureaucratic word choices get to him only seconds into it. It's worth watching.

9.26.2010

Katherine, Happy Birthday!

I really hope this is what our future holds... the two of us holding each other.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


To all others,
This is a still frame from a film we shot back in high school. We had the time of our lives, obviously.

9.22.2010

The Airport

I basically put myself in a coma from the second I arrive at the check-in desk, until I'm sitting safely at the gate, waiting to board. That whole process in between makes me want to give the person in front of me an atomic wedgie and then turn around and punch the air. I've learned to control my mob-like mentality when going through security and instead-- let it all wash over me in complete denial.

So here I am at the gate, quite early. Thank you Mom and Dad for instilling in me a desire to be a whole 2 hours early to the airport, even on a dead Wednesday.

I'm now mentally prepping myself for the chatty Kathy I'm almost always guaranteed to sit next to, and to my other side-- the mouth breather with a full on Arby's dinner and a magazine that most certainly went into the bathroom with the owner.

9.18.2010

Happy Birthday Bry!

You're 30!


Like a fine wheel of cheese, you only getting better with age.
You're also a wonderful brother, and I love you-- Happy Birthday!

9.15.2010

Daisy

Daisy May Campbell
February 1991- September 2010


You will be greatly missed, my sweet Daisy.

9.09.2010

You can't force the fate, you just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won't take because your skin is too oily.

It's Thursday. Today I took a little trip to the Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art with my lovely cousin Katie and her darling children-- great exhibit and great company! It's wonderful having family nearby.

Phone call story of the year:

Earlier this week my roommate received a phone call, she answered it only to discover a stranger on the other end-- a man, sounded mid 20s and Black. She explains to him that he dialed the wrong number and they hang up. Only a moment later she receives a text from this guy and it says:

"I like the sound of your voice. Girl-- go on wit' ya bad self!"

I laughed myself to tears.

Also, these are some of the major headliners in the news this week:

  • Teen survives Justin Bieber-inspired death threats
  • Most of us think we're hotter than average, survey says
  • Breast-enlarging ring tone?
  • Dance your way into her heart. With science! Study identifies all the right moves: It's all in the right knee, neck, torso
  • Shares of Spam & gas masks soar
  • Are Heidi & Spencer bored with the USA?
Happy Thursday!

9.07.2010

Oh Tom..

Very rarely do I ever find any genre of Mormon humor entertaining, but I think this one is pretty funny. Tom Cruise's intensity is captivating.

9.05.2010

Happy Birthday Mom!

You really are my favorite gal to spend time with, and I sure do love you!!

9.01.2010

Welcome, Nephew

My darling sister just had her sweet, little baby boy today! Welcome to the world, *little guy. Can't wait to see you and hug you!

*no name yet.

Pictures to come!



I feel it appropriate to celebrate with this song:

8.28.2010

A Call for Good Drivers

I took this photo today while stopped on an off-ramp. Pretty sure this happened because someone was texting while driving, or something related. A young girl was carried away on a stretcher, in a neck brace. Let's all be safe drivers and not get distracted-- accidents on the road can easily be prevented.

8.25.2010

If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I'd leap across the table and...

Boy oh boy, I'll just dive right in.

This week I started a new semester at ASU. Things have been crazy since a new load of Freshman were dumped on campus. Clothing appears to be unpopular these days.. unless you own a neon, highlighter-colored shirt that juxtaposes awesomely against your impossibly brown skin, then you're fine.

I passed some younger girls on campus today and this was their conversation:

"So Jessica totally gave me this look, but I know that look and she's totally jealous. I mean, I'm not trying to be rude, but she doesn't work out and I do. So..."

I wish I was making this up, honestly.

Also, while on campus, I was in line at the Jamba Juice avoiding the heat. A gang of sun devils lined up behind me-- the fellas were large, extremely muscular-- but the type of muscular that doesn't make sense because they still have baby faces. The girls were...typical. Their conversation topic of choice was absolutely disgusting and degrading, so I did what I always do in this kind of situation: I turned my head and gave the up and down look.. real sassy on my part. One of the fellas responds:

"She totally checked me out, haha dude she wanted this."

Awesome.

Today I was driving to the gym and happened to be behind a huge, black truck that had a sticker on the rear window that said: Nasty Boyz Drive Nasty Toyz

Yesterday while at the gym a slender guy with a sparse mustache approached me while I was on the rowing machine.

Guy: "Might I suggest some moves that will allow for a more explosive workout?"
Me: "Of course you can."

I started a new class last night that is FIVE HOURS LONG. Yes, five hours. The professor (who I can only describe as a flamboyant, cartoon polar bear) wears girl sandals and doesn't cut his toe nails.. ever. I can't even begin to tell you how disturbing this becomes after FIVE HOURS.

Today I was sitting in my room doing my makeup. I opened up the blinds to let all the sunlight in so that I could blend everything perfectly (I realize how this sounds, but it's absolutely true). While applying my makeup I was also in a robe and my hair was wrapped in a towel, as per usual. Suddenly, I realized that a man is standing outside my window, just a couple feet away from me, trimming the tree. I forgot the landscaper was coming today. We had this brief moment of acknowledging the fact that he shouldn't be seeing me and I sprang to close the blinds. Only a minute passed and I opened them back up.. I refuse to do my makeup under false lighting. The landscaper seemed confused.

Last story. Cockroaches in Arizona aren't like cockroaches everywhere else. Down here they waltz into houses during the day and delight in showing themselves to humans. A few days ago I found myself trapped in the kitchen with a cockroach at each exit. I'm not joking. I literally stood in the same spot for 20 minutes until my roommate got home and killed the cockroaches with her shoe. Her SHOE! They hissed.. it was awful.

AND scene.

8.22.2010

Amanda

You're one of the best things that ever happened to the Campbell family. I love you!

Happy Birthday!!

8.15.2010

The Awkwardness Ensues

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the website Awkward Family Photos.. a gem of a website. I just had to post some of my favorites that give me reason to believe that more people ate paint-chips as children than I would care to imagine.




8.05.2010

Update

After ignoring my other blogs for months, I've finally posted. If you care to take a gander, please-- do enjoy!

8.03.2010

Why Don't I Share Food?

Because sometimes food is just too important to share:

8.02.2010

Anna vs. the turkey

Anna has this thing about turkeys.. she finds them anatomically disgusting. Everything about the outer appearance of the turkey upsets her greatly. Yesterday I received this text message from her:

"I just learned that the stupid hangy thing on a turkey's nose is called a "snood" and it is used for mating. How's that for ruining your Sunday?"

It actually made my Sunday.

7.25.2010

Arizona Monsoon


I welcome you with open arms.

7.14.2010

Scrambled or Fried?


117 degrees is the predicted temperature in Phoenix tomorrow, and I'm expected to go on living.

7.12.2010

Happy Birthday Allison!


I sure do love you, and I'm so blessed to have shared all these years of friendship with you. I look forward to many, many more. Happy Birthday!!

7.06.2010

Happy Birthday Mallory!

There's no one I'd rather "Perkisize" with than you, my dear friend. Happy Birthday!!

7.04.2010

America is Beautiful

And so are Her people.
A poem by one of my favorites: Langston Hughes

The Negro Speaks of Rivers 
I've known rivers:
I've known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow
of human blood in human veins.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.
I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.

I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it.
I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went
down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn
all golden in the sunset.

I've known rivers:
Ancient, dusky rivers.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

(1922)

6.24.2010

MU$IC

My friend Mallory and I recently had a magical conversation about the current music on the radio. We had a good laugh/grieving moment over the ridiculousness of the lyrics that own the airwaves. How neat-- that youngsters get this stuff pounded into their brains everyday. Enjoy these lyrics from actual songs that I snagged from itunes top 10:

Aint got a care in the world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
.. I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk...

California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Hey, so I got a question
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum
Is my love your drug? your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Is my love your drug?

I said no more teachers and no more books
I got a kiss under the bleachers hopin' that nobody looked
Lips like licorice, tongue like candy
Excuse me miss, but can I get you out your panties?

i fell in love with shawty when i seen her on the dance floor
she was dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low
never ever has a lady hit me on the first sight
this was something special ; this was just like dynamite

I wanna be a billionaire so fricking bad
buy all of the things I never had
uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
smiling next to Oprah and the Queen
..I’d probably pull an Angelina and Brad Pitt
and adopt a bunch of babies that ain’t never had sh-t
give away a few Mercedes like here lady have this

Anyway.. I just hope that good music and real artists don't die out before I do. To end on a good note, one of my favorites:

He climbed cathedral mountains, he saw silver clouds below
He saw everything as far as you can see.
And they say that he got crazy once
and he tried to touch the sun,
and he lost a friend but kept the memory.

Now he walks in quiet solitude
the forests and the streams
seeking grace in every step he takes.
His sight has turned inside
himself to try and understand
the serenity of a clear blue mountain lake.

-Rocky Mountain High, John Denver

6.19.2010

Dad

I don't know how I could have made it through these last 6 months without you.. I sure do love you Dad! Happy Father's Day!!

6.16.2010

Oh for love of..

Picture this:

I'm driving south on I-10 today, having a great time listening to music and blasting the AC on high.. my car has proved to be a haven for staying cool. So I'm driving along and some guy driving in front of me rolls down his window and launches something into the wind. It blows back and hits my windshield.. oh look, an Arby's bag. Really, guy?! Really?

Garbage.

Who are these people that have no moral compass that should say "Hey, maybe don't throw that out the window.."? Where do these people come from? Are they the same people who leave grocery carts in the parking lot? When I see just 1 shoe in the road, does it belong to them? The Starbucks cups floating in the gutter. Chewed gum on the walls. Toilet paper on the ground in the bathroom. Unflushed toilets. Popcorn on the floor in movie theaters. Skittles between the seats of a rental car. Dried boogers under a desk at school. Stinky refrigerators.. the list could go on.

Anyway.. what I originally intended to blog about: Teen Broadway Camp 2010 at ASU.

You wouldn't believe the things I see walking around campus with this summer camp in action. It's like High School Musical times a billion. Today I was crossing the street with a group of 50 teenagers, all singing a medley of songs from Wicked. Arms flailing, dramatic pauses, for every 1 step taken forward-- 10 steps were taken back in dance movement.. it seriously took them forever to cross the street. I just remember thinking to myself "oh boy, I sure hope my children are normal." Maybe that's horrible to say, but really-- no Broadway Camp, not ever.

Sure made my day interesting though.

6.13.2010

Hey!

Name the most terrifying moment of your life so far: Earthquake at the Hotel del Coronado.. seriously scary. I'll never forget looking into Anna's eyes as we prepared for death.

If you could bring one character to life from your favorite book, who would it be? Hercule Poirot. I think we could solve so many crimes together. What a team!

Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with? Mallory Leale. I can almost guarantee a sock puppet show, followed by a round of 20 questions in Spanish (our best attempt), then maybe a dance party.. I can only assume a rapping and rhyming session would emerge at some point. "Hey what? We're stuck in an elevator? Fun!"

Least? Whoopi Goldberg. I'd say something about her upsetting outfit choices and she'd blame me for the oil spill in the Gulf.

List 5 people you know. Then describe each of them in 5 words:
Amanda: Contagious laughter, game nights, organized.
Laura: Pregnant, good advice, perfect toes.
Anna: Spiders make her upset, cheese.
Bryan: Runs fast, hilarious, opinions, fishing.
Cort: Cowboy, horses, laughing, BYU pants.

What was the most recent movie that made you cry? Karate Kid (the new one). I cried in every scene, just too cute.

If you could be any age again for one week, what age would you be? Eh... I don't think I would. I'd rather not relive any awkward stages.

You can cast any actor now alive to play you in a film about your life. Whom would you cast in the role? A mix of Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tina Fey, and Kanye West.. it really would make so much sense.

If you could have one superpower, which would you choose? Incredible strength. I would lift heavy things above my head all the time.

You can choose your method of dying and the place in which you will die. Where would you like to die and how? In a posh hotel room, wearing a robe, and during nap-time after a having a perfect but poisonous lunch.

You can choose your last meal. What will the menu consist of? A really, really good sandwich with a sliced tomato on the side. Also, warm cookies and milk.. I'm assuming this is my poisonous lunch?

If you had to be trapped in a TV show for a month, which show would you choose? Sabrina the Teenage Witch.. magical powers, a cute boyfriend and high school popularity, hello!

If you joined the circus, what act would you most want to perform? I have always had this secret dream of being in the circus. I'd be the girl that rides the elephants and slides down their trunks. Neat!

TAG! to anyone who needs something to blog about.

6.05.2010

How are you even a thing?!

I don't even know where to begin with this topic so I'll just dive on in to what's offending me these days...

FLIES!!!!!!!

Oh my freaking heck they are everywhere. I don't know if it's because the temperature is climbing higher and higher each day until Arizona explodes---maybe the flies need air conditioning too? Who knows. But seriously, daily I'm finding flies in places that no fly has business being: my makeup box, in my socks, relaxing on my pillow, hovering over my food, sitting on top of my water bottle as if it were his.. Disgusting.

The thing that upsets me most is that I really truly work so hard at making sure that my room and bathroom are spotless. I clean the already clean. Then boom, flies. Flies are the criminals among insects-- the terrorists, swindlers, bums, heroin addicts, wife beaters, Kathy Griffins, skinheads, dare I say rapists-- of the bug world. Get out of here. Scram.

The daily agenda of a fly: touch everything and be gross.

I tolerate most insects, in fact I have a pretty hard time killing most (I swear that if you lean in while smashing a bug you can hear their last breath). These days I'm going out of my way to kill flies, I'm hunting them. Oh but they aren't hard to find, not with an ugly mug like this:


Beat it!

6.04.2010

Summer School

So far, so good.

Yesterday (in an earnest attempt to learn about curriculum development) a classmate and I became distracted and plotted world domination instead.

I think we figured it out:


5.21.2010

Oh Anna

Quite often Anna and I pretend to be everyday, stereotypical people and make comments that those particular people would make. You know the types I'm talking about: sporty, French, controversial, nervous, sales people etc. Today we were in the car and Anna pretended to be a person who is really into cars-- and this is what she said:

"Dude, I really want one of those sweet-a$$ Porsche-Camaros."

I don't know very much about cars, but I do know that a Porsche and Camaro are two separate cars, not one singular vehicle. Oh Anna.

5.19.2010

AZ

It's been so nice coming home over my school break, believe me--much needed! Surprisingly though, I find myself missing my new home more than anticipated. I think I've especially become attached to the wildlife and the time I get to spend outside, I love it. My new goal is to finally have a face-to-face encounter with one of these guys:

His name is Javelina Pig, notorious for being sneaky and FAST. I almost saw one a few weeks ago but only managed to catch his shadow. I look forward to the day when I can post a photo of the two of us shaking hands and agreeing on something, probably how unnaturally blonde my eyebrows are becoming (ugh). Anyway, I'll get some good landscape painting in this summer, perhaps we'll meet then.

So basically I never thought I'd say this--but I kind of miss you Arizona.

5.14.2010

Really?!

See how long you can last watching this clip before you start to feel awkward...

5.11.2010

Eye see you...

Today I escorted Anna on her trip to the eye doctor. She put up a pretty good fight in the doctor's office just like a cat at the vet-- resisting everything the doctor brought toward her face. Turns out she needs contact. You heard me right, just one contact lens. Here's a picture of her sporting those really neat plastic sunglasses the eye doctor provides upon departure:
I felt like I was driving around Ray Charles, she was singing the whole way home.

5.09.2010

Mom


You're a wonderful mother and my best friend, I love you. Happy Mother's Day!

5.06.2010

Hello!

Now I'm not one to set major goals for the new year, in fact--I kind of feel like we should be setting new goals every day, but at the beginning of January I was a sucker and set two major goals:

1. Remember to put on deodorant everyday.
2. Learn how to moonwalk.

I have followed through with both and now I can do them simultaneously. So if you're interested and the right conditions are provided, I can demonstrate this.

Also, I'm coming home this weekend all the way until June and I can't wait. The first thing I'm going to do is follow my parents around like a 5 year old until they remind me I'm 23, then I'll force Anna to hang out with me and tell me what is cool these days, then possibly try perform some magic to make Utah warm again...it's the least I can do.

See you soon, some of you!

5.03.2010

Beware the desert..

Every night around 2am I hear the same noise outside my window: a strange, high-pitched gurgling of the throat followed by what I can only describe as robotic bleeps . I'm assuming this creature is some evolved form of a nocturnal lizard that makes his way out of the rocks and into the moonlight to parade around in all his glory, terrifying me in the process.

As logical as I try to keep this scenario in my head, I can't help but delve into the thoughts of the extra terrestrial and paranormal. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that the desert is brimming with bizarre creatures that only come out at night and make insane noises, and yes--most likely this thing is a lizard of some kind. However, late at night the desert can be extremely eerie, and this is the vision that comes to mind when I hear the noise:

Taunting me with math.

5.02.2010

Happy Birthday Dad!

You simply are the best.

4.27.2010

Today at school...

In my SED 501--Effective Instruction class, I received this little handout from my behind-the-times professor:
*Side note: My biggest fear is finding myself actually using these...

SED 501--Humorous Responses to Inappropriate Behavior

Talking Outbursts
- Whoa there turbo!
- Cool your jets!
- Your conversation will not be on the test.
- Save it for the slumber party, ladies. (my personal favorite)

Vulgar Language
- That word describes your mouth.
- You must be describing yourself.
- If this were a TV show, you would be kicked off the air. (got em!)
- Would you kiss your mother with that mouth?
- Do you really want that? (hmm...what?)
- You have 30 minutes to think about what our conversation is going to be like after class.

Humor Not Appropriate for:
- Cheating. (oh, ok)

Dress Code Violations
Ladies
- Aren't you cold in that outfit?
- Where's the rest of your pants, shirt?
Guys
- Is your head cold? (referring to hats...I assume)
- Why are your pants falling down?
- There is a reason they call it underwear!

Gum or Food
- You're not Mary Kate--you don't need to eat right now. (this one blew my mind)
- You don't need to eat every two hours, you are not an infant.
- If that's not takeout--it is now.

Restroom Overuse
- Did you take a shower in there?
- Are you texting in there, or do you need a kidney transplant? (what if they d0?)

Cell Phones
- I have always wanted one of those!
- What will your mom say when she has to come down to the office to pick up your cell phone?

Tardies
- ...that is the only question on the test, but don't repeat it... (!)
- Thank you for gracing us with your presence!

Cell Phones Going Off
- That had better be God calling.
- It must be the "clue" phone going off. (I don't get this one)
- Are you waiting for a heart transplant?

Whining
- I hate me too, let's just get over it...
- Violins, please!
- Should I call you a waa-mbulence?

Ask you to spell a word
- Spell "dictionary."

PDA
- Do you need some time alone?
- You can get his number after class.
- Do I need to get a hose? (...ugh)
- Cool your jets, please.

No Homework
- Should I put the summer school schedule on the board?
- Maybe this will be easier for you next year when you take this class again.

Throwing Things
- You are not drooling, are you? (I don't understand this one either)
- Clean the floor after class.
- Do the Dodgers know about you?
- The penalty for that is cleaning off the gum under all the desks.

Sleeping
- Let them sleep through the bell.
- Loudly slam a book right next to them.