Luxury in the Sky

Romulus, Michigan (CNN) -- Part of an explosive device that failed to take down a plane last week was sewn into the underwear of the Nigerian man accused of igniting it, a law enforcement official told CNN Monday.

Thank you Nigerian terrorist for now requiring all airline passengers to remove any underwear before boarding. 

I wish I could have had a talk with Nigerian terrorist before he boarded the plane, it would have gone something like this:

Me: "Hey Guy."

Nigerian Terrorist: "How's it going."

Me: "Can you believe this security..ridiculous."

N.T.: "Seriously, who are they kidding.  Look at what I'm packing (shows me explosive underwear) Hahaha, they'll never know!"

Security: "You're good to go!"

Me: "Yeah..here's the thing, if you explode the plane then you die too."

N.T.: "What?! Not possible."

Me: "No it's true, you'd explode like everyone else."

N.T.: "It's because I'm black isn't it? That's racist."

Me: "I don't think you, as a terrorist, can pull the racist card in this situation."

N.T.: "You just called me a racist terrorist."

Security: "Ma'am we are going to have to ask you to get off the plane."

Me: "Why?"

Security: "Yeah.. you called him a racist terrorist so.."

Me: "Can I take some complimentary pretzels to go?"

Security: "No, those are for first-class passengers only. You do however, have the option of choosing either this individually wrapped prune or an economy-sized bag of sesame seeds."

Me: "Are the sesame seeds toasted?"

Security: "No."

Me: "I'll have the prune."

N.T.: "My personal favorite."

For Everyone on Christmas Eve...

I know I've posted this video before, but it says Merry Christmas better than I ever could:

The Spirit of the Season

Today I walked past a garbage can and tossed in my empty hot chocolate cup and walked away. I was then informed quite angrily that it was not a garbage can but instead a food donation bin.

Merry Christmas!

Jane Lynch has done it again:

Oh and while reading through my travel journal recently I came upon the few pages I documented of Anna and I in Maine this past summer. I recall this special quote of Anna reacting to the overwhelming amount of angry mostquitos and flies, she said this with conviction: "EVERYTHING JUST HAS TO BACK AWAY FROM ME RIGHT OKAY!!!"

A few seconds after that I came in with a: "Son of a ***** they're everywhere!"

We ran--slapping the air with a vindictive fury that mother nature never saw coming.

an update

I've put some more artwork up on my other blog.

I feel like I've kind of abandoned the art process for the past couple of months with a lot of changes consuming my time/mind---but I'm antsy to get going again and I have some ideas that I'm pretty excited about.  

Hopefully my other blog will get more attention from me in the future.  a

...Yes.

Anna gave me the best present ever by introducing me to this website: awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Here's a delightful sample:

...I can't even begin to imagine where this dream couple met. The guy looks like SNL's Horatio Sanz.

These are real inventions:

For parents with cruel intentions:

"Dad Saddle"
--I can't figure out the age of this child in the saddle.


"Baby Cage"


"Cry No More"
"Bulletproof Buttocks"
--This one I like purely for the anatomically correct illustration.

"Travel Relief"

--Don't worry, the guy in the car next to you with his pants pulled down isn't a perv, he's just going to the bathroom.

"Bag Man"

--I can't even....

These next two inventions are for those of us who struggle with golf and need an easy and fast alternative to the traditional approach:

"Golf Made Easy"

"Web of Intrigue"

Visit the Patently Absurb Archive for more incredible inventions. And if I've learned one thing...it's this: Absolutely Anyone can invent Anything and someone will give it a patent.

Saturday Night: In 3D

How do you kick off the month of December?  A 3D Christmas movie and a pair of really cool shades:

If I wanted to laugh forever...

I'd have a dinner party and invite two of my favorite people: