*Side note: My biggest fear is finding myself actually using these...
SED 501--Humorous Responses to Inappropriate Behavior
Talking Outbursts
- Whoa there turbo!
- Cool your jets!
- Your conversation will not be on the test.
- Save it for the slumber party, ladies. (my personal favorite)
Vulgar Language
- That word describes your mouth.
- You must be describing yourself.
- If this were a TV show, you would be kicked off the air. (got em!)
- Would you kiss your mother with that mouth?
- Do you really want that? (hmm...what?)
- You have 30 minutes to think about what our conversation is going to be like after class.
Humor Not Appropriate for:
- Cheating. (oh, ok)
Dress Code Violations
Ladies
- Aren't you cold in that outfit?
- Where's the rest of your pants, shirt?
Guys
- Is your head cold? (referring to hats...I assume)
- Why are your pants falling down?
- There is a reason they call it underwear!
Gum or Food
- You're not Mary Kate--you don't need to eat right now. (this one blew my mind)
- You don't need to eat every two hours, you are not an infant.
- If that's not takeout--it is now.
Restroom Overuse
- Did you take a shower in there?
- Are you texting in there, or do you need a kidney transplant? (what if they d0?)
Cell Phones
- I have always wanted one of those!
- What will your mom say when she has to come down to the office to pick up your cell phone?
Tardies
- ...that is the only question on the test, but don't repeat it... (!)
- Thank you for gracing us with your presence!
Cell Phones Going Off
- That had better be God calling.
- It must be the "clue" phone going off. (I don't get this one)
- Are you waiting for a heart transplant?
Whining
- I hate me too, let's just get over it...
- Violins, please!
- Should I call you a waa-mbulence?
Ask you to spell a word
- Spell "dictionary."
PDA
- Do you need some time alone?
- You can get his number after class.
- Do I need to get a hose? (...ugh)
- Cool your jets, please.
No Homework
- Should I put the summer school schedule on the board?
- Maybe this will be easier for you next year when you take this class again.
Throwing Things
- You are not drooling, are you? (I don't understand this one either)
- Clean the floor after class.
- Do the Dodgers know about you?
- The penalty for that is cleaning off the gum under all the desks.
Sleeping
- Let them sleep through the bell.
- Loudly slam a book right next to them.
11 comments:
I'm pretty sure a teacher could get fired for the very last one on sleeping. Also, PDA.
I'm using these lines. Classic teacher comments.
This rattles my cage to the very core.
i'm going to have to see proof of this handout.
Is this professor serious? I swear this goes against everything I learned about disciplining students.
Cool your jets. Used for more than one setting. The Mary Kate one...left me speechless. This is unbelievable.
If that's not takeout, it is now. haha I can't believe he handed these out
Is that for real? Hilarious.
What do you do when your students have better comebacks than the ones on this sheet?
I will be sure to implement these in my classroom tomorrow. I will be teacher of the year in no time. Thanks for providing me with such a great resource.
Umm...I use these all the time with my 1st graders. Forget positive reinforcement. Sarcasm works WAY better.
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