The Jim...

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Well I'm back at the gym. Mostly I prefer working out while doing something outside-- it's prettier and I tend to do my best thinking... but this is also a problem because I walk at slower paces, stop to look at flowers, and then I wind up sitting on the grass. To get a solid workout I've come to realize that I rely on the gym and the intimidation of working out among extremely fit people. I really do dread the gym though and it is because of the:

1. Humidity. Not nature's humidity, but human humidity. This means that people are sweating and breathing and releasing gases and it stresses me out.

2. Noises. All sorts of hideous noises that those making them should be embarrassed about. They're not. I could be making a huge storm of noises while working out but my problematic pride and sense of decency keeps it all in.

3. Sweaty machines. Maybe 10% of machine users wipe down after use.

4. Heavy lifters. Certain men who go straight to the weight room to lift a thousand pounds above their head... yes, strong. Here's the problem guys-- you end up looking a little off balance with huge, broad shoulders and arms, but tiny little legs. Do some cardio too. PS. You are the culprits behind the worst of the worst noises.

5. Women who work out in dangly earrings.

...number 6. Number 6 is my new friend Jim (hence the title)... Oh Jim. He's no spring chicken. I'd say he's at least, LEAST in his late 70s and he's in love with me. Usually men like this don't bother me so much because they are more of a grandfatherly type that want to compliment and offer advice. Not Jim. The fact that I actually look like a sweaty teenage boy at the gym seems to escape his attention completely. On several occasions he has mentioned that he wants a younger wife, he loves brown-haired girls, and he could give me all the security I need, financially speaking. This has forced me to create a really fancy lie about how I'm engaged to a younger man who has lots of money and we might be moving to Europe. Yeah I've taken it way too far. Oh and Jim can't ever remember my name. Most days he calls me Kimmy, but every now and then I'm Emmy, Emily, Angie, today I was Annie. Close Jim, real close.

On a totally different note-- I want to give Amanda a BIG birthday shout-out. XO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Have a great Tuesday everybody.

Thoughts for Friday

Is it just me or does paste just not taste as good as it used to?...

*If you don't know where that quote comes from then you haven't lived.

I'm writing this from my office at Barnes and Noble cafe. This time it is the B&N off of Fort Union. Unfortunately I've come after the lunch hour when, apparently, Cookie Monster eats a million cookies at every table, leaving a sea of crumbs on every chair and in every crevice. Oh Cookie Monster.

I had a dream last night that I cut my hair to chin length. I love short hair on girls, and if you are reading this right now and have chin length hair I probably love it on you... However, I have not been blessed with easy going, do what you want kind of hair. I have inherited my father's horse textured, massive, velcro mane. Anytime I put a mustache on myself (yes, this has happened more than you'd think) I unmistakably resemble Harry Potter's Hagrid. I've always had a soft spot for him because of this. Back to the chin length nightmare... It was horrendous. I think I'll keep it long for a good long while.

What's the worst thing about going for a walk/run on a trail that loops around you ask? That answer is easy-- seeing the same people pass by and feeling obligated to say "Hi" and then both giggling a little bit to cover up what you're really thinking: If I have to pass you, say "hi" and giggle one more time I'm going to ____________ (insert most dramatic, upsetting thing you can think of).

Last thought of the day: The best movies were made in the 70s and 80s. Don't argue with me. Everything else is just trying a bit too hard. If you need proof of this why don't you go see Cowboys and Aliens or Captain America. Not both, you might explode.

P.S. This is Jimmy McMillan, a real politician. The beard is real too. America!