The Jim...


Well I'm back at the gym. Mostly I prefer working out while doing something outside-- it's prettier and I tend to do my best thinking... but this is also a problem because I walk at slower paces, stop to look at flowers, and then I wind up sitting on the grass. To get a solid workout I've come to realize that I rely on the gym and the intimidation of working out among extremely fit people. I really do dread the gym though and it is because of the:

1. Humidity. Not nature's humidity, but human humidity. This means that people are sweating and breathing and releasing gases and it stresses me out.
2. Noises. All sorts of hideous noises that those making them should be embarrassed about. They're not. I could be making a huge storm of noises while working out but my problematic pride and sense of decency keeps it all in.
3. Sweaty machines. Maybe 10% of machine users wipe down after use.
4. Heavy lifters. Certain men who go straight to the weight room to lift a thousand pounds above their head... yes, strong. Here's the problem guys-- you end up looking a little off balance with huge, broad shoulders and arms, but tiny little legs. Do some cardio too. PS. You are the culprits behind the worst of the worst noises.
5. Women who work out in dangly earrings.

...number 6. Number 6 is my new friend Jim (hence the title)... Oh Jim. He's no spring chicken. I'd say he's at least, LEAST in his late 70s and he's in love with me. Usually men like this don't bother me so much because they are more of a grandfatherly type that want to compliment and offer advice. Not Jim. The fact that I actually look like a sweaty teenage boy at the gym seems to escape his attention completely. On several occasions he has mentioned that he wants a younger wife, he loves brown-haired girls, and he could give me all the security I need, financially speaking. This has forced me to create a really fancy lie about how I'm engaged to a younger man who has lots of money and we might be moving to Europe. Yeah I've taken it way too far. Oh and Jim can't ever remember my name. Most days he calls me Kimmy, but every now and then I'm Emmy, Emily, Angie, today I was Annie. Close Jim, real close.

On a totally different note-- I want to give Amanda a BIG birthday shout-out. XO!

Have a great Tuesday everybody.


Justin said...

If I had a dollar for every time a geriatric man proposed marriage to you at the gym...

Ashley and Ezra said...

Speaking of #2... today at the gym my sister and I started laughing so loud because a guy was making the craziest noises... I mean come on, you're in public!

Mallory said...

How the hell did I never see this post until now? How?