Happy Halloween!!!...even to kitty lovers.

This post is for Emily Jean Bateman.

A Text Message:

The other day Anna and I texted out of boredom.  This is what was said between the two of us in all seriousness: 

Anna: "What are you doing? I'm trying to write that stupid essay...obviously I'm distracted."

Amy: "I'm at the mall with that lady...how's the essay coming along anyway?"

Anna: "Oh I see.  She sure shops a lot. The essay is fine I guess."

Amy: "You'll do fine, don't sweat it.  I'm bored."

Anna: "Me too, and I need to find a bathroom."

Amy: "Haha, me too!  But I'm shy in public restrooms."

Amy (again): "I hate the mall! I'm here every day with this lady!  I feel like Veronica Lodge...minus the whole Archie thing, he was never attractive to me."

Anna: "Hmm for some reason I had a thing for Archie.  Maybe I was just fascinated with his hair.  Reggie is probably the best looking but kind of a d-bag and Jughead's nose is disgusting."

Amy: "Archie's hair is too crazy for me and he's not funny at all.  I've always found Jughead's nose and style somewhat alluring."

Anna: "Just like Adrian Brody?"

Amy: "YES! He's Jughead come to life! I'll tell ya who I don't like: Betty. Boring and NOT funny."

Anna: "I've always felt that she might be a lesbian."

Amy: "Yeah, I'm suspicious of that."

*Just in case you don't know who Archie and the gang are (except Laura, I know you know) here is a picture:  

Yep...Anna and I have full on, very serious conversations about our favorite comic book characters.  Oh the humanity.

Why I Don't Do Haunted Houses

I don't know how I was talked in to going to a haunted house yesterday, but it happened.  I've managed to stay away from those kind of places my whole life until last night.  I love Halloween, in fact I adore it, but I tend to stay away from the disgusting side of Halloween that I knew would await me behind the Nightmare on 13th castle doors.

First mistake:  Deciding to wear all black in an attempt to blend in with the night and go unseen.  It doesn't work, in fact it made me more of a target if anything.

Second mistake:  Being child-sized, another major target.

Third mistake:  Accidently apologizing to anything that made me scream...I don't know why I did and it only encouraged worse behavior out of the employees.

Fourth mistake:  Breathing in the air.  I'm convinced I've picked up the first-ever airborne STD.

Fifth mistake:  Not having a fight or flight response when threatened...good news: instead, my defense is to freeze up and put my head down. 

Alls I knows is that my instinct about the haunted house craze is correct.  I'll stick to the children's Halloween. 

To my fans,

I have a few skeletons in my closet (don't worry Ma, nothing too scary). Anyway, I've decided to share one of my darker and more shameful secrets with my readers:

Aside from nouns, I don't know squat about Verbs, Adverbs, Adjectives, Pronouns, and anything else in that realm of grammar knowledge.  Sure I can pull a decent sentence together and definitely recognize grammatical errors, but if I am approached with one of those stupid activity papers with a silly paragraph that requires you to fill in blanks with an adjective, pronoun, etc. to make it fun and hilarious..I'll panic, I'll just freak out inside.

Who knows why I'm 23 and still cannot define these...what would you even call them?  Oh man. All I do know is that without truly understanding this subject I've managed to roll through elementary school, junior high/high school, college, and I'm on my way to graduate school.  So this either says something about our schooling system or that I'm secretly a genius.  I'll accept the latter.  

I'll be sure to buckle down and really understand all of this before I head off to grad school in a few months.  I have to.

Sincerely,

Amy

Better with age

Last night I went to a BYU soccer game to watch a long time friend play in the match.  The game was fun despite the fact that I was in Provo...and it was 5 degrees.  However, I did manage to catch a couple of wonderful conversations between two old women.  These were my favorites:

Old Woman #1:  "What is that girl wearing?!"

Old Woman #2:  "Half of the girls here look like they're wearing garbage sacks."

O.W.#2:  "Where is that Mexican one from?" (referring to one of the Latino-looking players)

O.W. #1:  "He's from Brazil."

O.W. #2:  "It's crisp in the air."

O.W. #1:  "What'd you say? Did you say Christmas? What are you saying?"

O.W. #2: "Crisp."

O.W.#1: "Like potato crisps?"

O.W.#2: "What?"

O.W.#1: "Yes."